I am listening to the playlist I made one year ago called “PPC.” It’s all the music I thought I would need to get me through what I presumed would be an epic and emotional journey in the desert. I needed every song on this list.

PPC, or the Promoting Passion Convention hosted by none other than Brooke Shaden herself, is a space where artists of all sorts (but mostly photographers) can come together and be wholly yourself and create and learn. Those closest to me knew how much I loved (and love) Brooke Shaden’s work. She is an amazing and inspiring fine art photographer and human. She’s the reason I even tried to create more “art” like images. Several years ago she birthed the Promoting Passion Convention, and ever since then I knew I had to go. Last year, on Canadian Thanksgiving, I finally was able to attend. (Sorry fam, didn’t miss you…love you!)

It’s hard to articulate how life changing that weekend was. It was the first trip I ever planned just for me. The first trip I had to get myself to another country, rent a car, keep myself caffeinated and fed (The Joshua Tree Retreat Center did the bulk of this….OMG their food was delicious!!). I slept very little, but felt very much. That sounds stupid, I know. But the bulk of what I got out of this solo trip was the space to feel, to have emotions, to be in the desert (which just gives me more emotions) and to feel safe while experiencing life.

I walked into Sanctuary (a building at the Joshua Retreat Center) covered in dust, airplane molecules…and Brooke was there to greet me herself, a huge smile on her face and gave me a hug. A HUG! I literally said “you can’t hug me,” while hugging her back, because she’s Brooke Shaden! I am just me! I almost just sat down from the sheer craziness of it all.

A couple hours later I met my three roommates, Amanda, Art and Deonna. They felt like my family, the three other people I could count on while I freaked out because I couldn’t find my camera D-Ring to connect my camera to my holdfast strap, to have serious conversations with, to lend me a pen when I couldn’t find mine (the lack of sleep for the entirety of this weekend frazzled me a bit) and to just be there when I didn’t know what else to do with myself. And I will remember them always, and hope to one day meet again.

There were several workshops with other amazing artists, Sara Lando, Bella Kotak, Pratik Naik, Oscar Nilsson, Marco Antonio, Gillian Gamble, Joel McKerrow, Devin Schiro and of course, Brooke Shaden. I regret not attending Sara Lando’s workshop. She’s a super rad human, but I did get to have breakfast with her, got her two cents on what the content of a potential tattoo for me should be (she was wrong), told me she wished she had someone like me to keep her on task and I now stalk her religiously on IG. BUT everyone, the big, crazy thing I did was not attend Brooke Shaden’s workshop. Take that in. I didn’t go to her workshop. I couldn’t. Because I had to go learn from Devin Schiro and Gillian Gamble, and I do not regret that decision for a second. I needed to learn a new thing, and ultimately, Brooke provided that opportunity, and I don’t believe she’d hold that decision against me.

Then there was all the other amazing humans I got to meet, everyone was amazing. And I now have awesome art going by my FB and IG newsfeeds due to these beautiful space monkeys. But specifically there is one human from Germany, one from New York and one from Kansas that I communicate with regularly. Pretty sure I talk more with them then my siblings. I have to mention these three because they need to know they are extra special to me and I love them all immensely. You are etched on my heart.

The feedback I got from other attendees and new friends was so unexpected. People told me that what I said was powerful and right, that I was assertive in getting things done, that I walked around like the boss (Devin is just salty because I made him put a piano in a parking lot) and sort of, I guess, acted like a leader. I didn’t know these things before about myself. These are not attributes I have ever associated with myself. I am not sure that I am any more aware of myself now then I was then…but I am…louder now thanks to these people. I finally believe my voice needs to be “heard all the way at the back.”

Thank you Brooke, for making me loud.

The following images are in no particular order, except the last one, that self portrait had to be last.

Models: Lieka Anna @liekehaetjens | Jamal Pitts @iamjamalpitts | Sheila Eden @sheilaeden

Also…we sorta MacGyvered a music video?